Can we get addicted to love? And what if that ‘love’ is not good love?
Many times I counsel women who struggle to let go of a lover who they know is not good for them. Guys that are cheaters, drinkers, gamblers or just plain mean... most of the time. So what is the attraction?
Well, the rest of the time, or at least at some stage in the relationship (usually the blissful beginning) these guys weren’t bad at all. In fact they may have promised to be just the guy she was looking for. They were charming, or funny, or seemed so interested in the woman in question that she feel for him.
Or maybe she didn’t, maybe this guy just slipped and grew on her. Whatever the pattern, an attraction was established so by the time she found the ‘fly in the ointment’, this guy was part of her life, and most importantly, part of her mind.
Can't she do any better?
So why is it so hard for her to just leave him behind?
Does she have such low self esteem she doesn’t think she can do any better? Well, sadly sometimes this is true.
Other times it is a case of ‘better the devil you know’ and women settle for second best because somewhere they believe that he’s as good as it gets.
The work here is clear, help this woman understand the origin of her beliefs about her self and relationships, then work toward building her self worth and ultimately create the space for attracting the kind of guy who can give her what she really deserves.
Here are 5 reasons why a sane woman can’t leave a crazy relationship
To give him up, to let go of the positive feelings (even if they were built on a flimsy hope for better behaviour), sends her literally into withdrawal. For what ever reason she’s addicted to love, bad love.
Recovery takes time and like any addiction may need the assistance of a 'sponsor' a completely objective person who is there to help you through. If you are ready to let go of someone you know is not good for you first you have to want to let go, then you need to understand why it feels so difficult.
Stay tuned for my blog on 12 Steps to recovering from a bad love addiction.
Neurotransmitter levels can affect your mood, but did you know that other chemical processes in your body can have a also profound affect on how you feel?
Quick Bite (for those of you with little time for details)
Long Lunch (read on if you would like to know more)
Behind the scenes in our brain
Our thoughts, feelings and reactions are all the result of a mass of brain cells (neurons) communicating information. Brain cells don’t touch, they transmit information chemically and electrically.
The three main neurotransmitters that effect mood are also effected by methylation.
Mind the gap
Simply put, in order for signal transmission to run smoothly we need:
It’s all over every blog, book or theory on building a business of any kind; “Don’t waste your energy trying to do it all, but point your energy and time on one narrowed down specailised area and this will lead to success.” Find a niche- specialise and you will be successful in business.
Try as I might a 'niche' eludes me. I can’t seem to set my sights on just one tree when there is an amazing forest before my eyes. I find people, their lives, their minds, their relationships, their bodies, their environment, their everything is interconnected.
How can I point my energy in one spot when there is so much consider about human life? I think people who can concentrate on one area are amazing. I envy their focus and commitment, but I have failed business 101.
It was in couples training that I was told this odd but evident truth. The reason why kids play up in the back of the car is that no one is watching them. The parents are there but they are facing forward, not looking at the kids, so the kids are ‘un-regulated’. When parents look at their children they are assisting the child’s regulation.
Regulation? Unregulated? What the???
Regulation describes how we modulate our behavoiur according to our emotional mood and the demands of the environment. It is the process by which we balance the needs of our inner state with the demands of the outer world. For example, Sitting in a church reverently requires a high amount of regulation - inhibiting the desire to drink, cross your legs, make a comment, yawn or giggle. All behavioural impluses need to be held back.
Regulation also occurs when we have to alter our emotional state. For example perhaps we have been upset by a nasty comment by someone, say, a work colleague. However, to continue working we need to put on a happy face for the next client even when we would rather spill out our annoyance and how upset we are with our insensitive colleague. So we withhold our impulse to moan about the injustice, or better still, we rationalize it out of existence by telling ourselves they didn’t mean it and it had nothing to do with us anyway.
What is Pyrrole Disorder?
Pyrrole disorder has nothing to do with repeat offenders breaking their bail restrictions, although Dr. William Walsh did find that many parole candidates had undiagnosed pyrrole. What he has since found is that pyrrole disorder is implicated in many psychological and behavioural problems due its powerful effect on mental wellbeing.
Pyrrole disorder causes an imbalance in the brains main neurotransmitters. Pyrrole sufferers might feel they are unbalanced but really its their brains that can't find equilibrium.